I was watching the high school house league basketball tournament this afternoon and my blood began to boil. This is the place where kids who just love to play the sport can extend their careers. The actual high school teams only keep like 15 players so that leaves plenty of room. By the time they are this age they really don’t want a dad to draw up plays or do a bunch of strategizing. I tell you this as they are trying to draft me to be one of the required adults next year but I will only agree if I don’t have to do anything. And by that I mean ANYTHING. I will not write in the stupid scoring book nor will I work the electronic scoreboard. I will be one notch above propping a corpse in the coaching chair and I would only win that by a hair. The only work I will do is the draft because the kids are not allowed. So I will go armed with a list of my son’s friends and any other potential names will have to be agreed upon by text.

Anyway, this wasn’t supposed to be about my selfish laziness. I was enjoying the game having a lovely time watching the lead seesaw back and forth but a pair of dads from the other team would not shut up. And by that I don’t mean the normal mild cheering required at all of these things but some obnoxious nonsense. Some of what they were communicating was through veiled talking to their other younger children. “they only score garbage points” or “they don’t even run a real offense” and my favorite “they don’t even have enough kids to substitute everyone” as if that was by design or something the boys wanted to be the case. I was really getting irritated but I was surrounded by strangers and some friends and at least one child I didn’t want watching me lose it.

I was having a vivid waking dream of grabbing them both by the jacket collar (it’s cold out so the jackets are nice and thick, plenty of grip) and flinging them onto the court. (we were all seated in small folding chairs too low to the ground for a quick jump to their feet) When they looked at me for answers as they were getting up I planned on telling them if they promised to shut up they could come back and sit down otherwise I would keep launching them out of their seats. The thought of doing it was enough to calm me down and even though our boys lost a heartbreaker they had a great time all season. I was going to take a picture of the perpetrators but then pulled up in case something happened. I’m no lawyer but I’m pretty sure premeditation is never a good thing.

Luckily my friend who is also the coach is a camera guy so I will just use an action shot he sent.


You should know I picked that one on purpose because if he ever reads this post he will be annoyed by the blur and the crash mat as main subject. Thanks for the great picture Larry!

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