So this is happening in my office right now and I might be more than a little high from the fumes. What you see there is the magnetic primer I purchased on a whim while buying chalkboard paint. I was told I needed the primer or else my board would just peel away from the wall at some point. It made sense but as I was reaching for the regular can this magnetic stuff was on clearance and it was black. I should have paid a bit more attention to the ingredients, instructions, and the fact that it was being blown out of the store. This stuff should really be named the Living Black Ooze from Hell.

First you need to stir this mess until your arms fall off, then keep going. The magnetic particles really like each other and they don’t take kindly to any attempts at suspending them in chemicals. After forty minutes and a feeling in both arms like I’d just finished an Olympic animal husbandry event it was ready to apply. Painting with this crap is like spreading magnetic natural peanut butter on a wall. You know that substance’s insistence on returning to a semisolid with oil floating on the top? Same deal but with electrons thrown in the mix just for fun.

Where I really screwed up was not reading the WARNING! FLAMMABLE LIQUID AND VAPOR. This explains last nights screaming headache and today’s general feeling of TILT. The other thing they fail to mention on the box that cleverly conceals the can containing the real information is good luck if this gets on anything because it’s not coming off. My right hand is vaguely magnetic and I only hope it goes away before I have to fly next week. Those TSA dummies are not going to understand my office decor project.

Cleanup was a nightmare to the point that I just threw everything involved away. This instantly made the clearance price no bargain and I am not going to go through the remaining recommended two other coats. I don’t need the damn thing to be magnetic. I have other plans that will be revealed in time. And before you even think about telling me about chalk dust just stifle yourself. I know chalk boards. My first crude but funny work was all done in this medium. I love chalk and it’s my room so don’t worry your pretty little head. Now if you’ll excuse me I need to get back to huffing for precious oxygen.

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