I took a loss this Christmas

I am ashamed to admit it but I was scammed over the holiday. As I looked around for a last minute gift for my wife I came across a facebook ad for one of those chunky blankets she had been showing me hint videos of for weeks… at a reasonable price. (this should have been my first clue something was up because they were sold out everywhere else and four times the price)For those not in the know just search “arm knitting blankets” and you will be up to speed. Anyway, the ad showed up and it said guaranteed Christmas delivery so I clicked the link.

Everything seemed legit until the holiday came and went. I kept getting nonsensical shipping updates that mattered less as the time for gift giving got further away. When it did finally show up more than a month late it came wrapped in one of those packages from China that make you hesitate before opening. Crazy writing encircled by an entire roll of clear packing tape and compressed to the point I had no idea what it was at first.

When I breached the tape shell one of the worst things I’ve ever ordered expanded as if it were alive. This thing was a 10th of its actual size but unlike all of the countless videos and websites that sell the wool blankets, this one seems to be made out of recycled plastic. The worker who “crafted” this mess was having a bad day and it shows. There are snags all over and the knots are so messed up that I can only think one of his limbs is noticeably shorter than the other. This is garbage of the first order and I immediately hated myself for this mistake.

I contacted the company to send it back for a refund. These sneaky genuses don’t list a phone number or address anywhere on their web site and the packaging doesn’t reveal much to the non-Chinese reader. What happened next was an expertly orchestrated email chain with multi-day delays between replies culminating in me finally getting an address but being told about the 15 day return policy which had miraculously lapsed.

I was so pissed that I was going to ship it back to them out of spite until I learned that it would cost me as much to ship it back as half of my already wasted investment. Well played Loosely, well done.

I was going to donate it to charity but I would hate to think of some unsuspecting homeless smoker bursting into flames and becoming permanently housed within a melted plastic exoskeleton. Instead I have chosen to display the thing on the couch in my office where it can serve as a constant reminder of my stupidity and the holiday dicking I took from team loosley.

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