Love Hate Blog

I have had a long and interesting relationship with online writing. When the internet was first a thing and every home access package came complete with your own web page I had one. The problem was what in the hell to put on it. Back then everything was hard. Pictures weren’t digital and a pain in the ass to upload let alone make look right. People used bad digital organ music and tiny flash animations but it was all too much. I was just beginning to write more for work and this seemed like a great way to practice.
I posted a few horrible things because I was more twisted up about the formatting and how to make it one screen wide than the actual content. Luckily some online tools became available that did that work for me. My kids were little and I was overcome with a weird fear that they would only know the Dad that was attempting to not raise assholes. So I wrote for a long time with the overarching theme of allowing my offspring exposure to another side of me.
This took on a life of its own. I had a custom domain name that helped me write under a pseudonym in case someone I worked for might incorrectly interpret something I wrote. Things went well for a long time and I was happy. It felt good to create something that I totally controlled. This was going on over the course of more than ten years but there were some bumps along the way.
My family and friends were following my work and in spite of clear direction on the top of the page they couldn’t help but talk to me about the content. The first time I took it down my Mom took offence to something I wrote which prompted an adult scolding call from Dad. I cooled off and fired it up again only to get entangled in some internet drama. When those kinds of things happen you can’t help but be influenced and I didnt like what that did to the writing.
Then with the popularity of social media platforms everyone started posting everything and the online world became all about likes. This was another thing to mess with the writing. I wouldn’t attach my name so I had to have accounts linking to my online persona which felt more than a little weird. I would also write some things I was extremely proud of but couldn’t share them anywhere but my stupid web page for fear of attracting unwanted readership. But I really wanted more readers… I know, there are a lot of snakes wriggling around in this skull.
I had the most success when I wrote every day but that comes with a big pile of weird. The pressure to produce combined with the desire to be good was a recipe for creative constipation. In the end it turned into more of a chore than something I did for fun and in all that time I could never figure out how to make it pay.

 

 

So I am writing here as myself for myself. I like to write. I love stories. So I am going to tell some in this space. I wrote this little explanation in hopes of exercising some demons and because I have the itch to republish some of the aforementioned things I liked. Stay tuned or don’t. either way.

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