Football

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This year’s NFL football season is proving tough for me. Not only is my youngest child who I coached since he put on a uniform no longer playing, (completely his choice and his life to lead, I am not one of those vicarious asshats) but he is not around to watch games with me. College schmollege. It’s not like we were locked in to the couch for 7 straight hours but Sundays usually meant at least a couple hours watching NFL Redzone and eating whatever crap sounded good at the time.

We could sit in relative silence only speaking when necessary so this isnt a case of calling him on the phone to enhance the viewing experience. Aside from the fact that it would be annoying it’s just not necessary. The sport itself is still my runaway favorite but I’m having a better time going to High School games on Friday nights followed by college games on Saturday. I have a hard time recognizing games that break my childhood format of Friday nights/ High School, Saturdays/ College, Sundays and ONE game Monday night/ NFL. I ignore all non conforming contests unless there is a reason to actually attend or the game means something to me. (I am nothing if not complicated)

I love his mother, my first wife, but she only has two modes while watching sports. The first is by far my favorite and is commonly known as asleep. The second more exhausting mode is a constant barrage of questions. The aren’t just generic queries to better understand the game. This is an avalanche of non sequiturs that most people couldn’t come up with if they were trying. I started last Sunday to write some down

  • Why are their hats (helmets) different shapes?
  • Who decides the color schemes for each team?
  • Why are some golf carts fancy and others plain?
  • Are any of these names made up?
  • Do the announcers get to eat during the game?
  • How old do you think that referee is?

You get the idea and I stopped keeping track at that point. If you think that’s strange (record keeping on the things your spouse says aloud) you might be right but I’ve been doing it for years. And in her defense she wants to love football but just can’t. The questions are an attempt at being entertained not realizing it’s my mental equivalent of a woodpecker. I refer her to Google so often that they called me and asked if I could slow her down a bit. Something about server load.

Anyway, this is about me struggling with the NFL as a disguised way of saying I miss my son on Sundays. In a weird act that only punishes me I didn’t even order RedZone this year. I immediately regretted that decision but after a couple weeks I don’t miss it as much as I thought I would. That’s a lie, I will have it by this Sunday.

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