When I am not traveling I work from home. We converted an old 1960’s garage on the front of our house into an office and it is my favorite place. My work involves a lot of talking on the phone and my days are usually scheduled full on purpose as a bored stupidtom is dangerous. I tell you all this to setup my story from yesterday…

My views are of my front door and the street. I watch the delivery drivers come and go wondering what my wife has ordered today or my neighbors aimlessly walking around the park across the street. Very few people actually come to the door anymore but if they do the lack of response usually makes them give up.

The doorbell is disconnected because it just exacerbates the furry warning system that is always on guard. So as I was finishing a call I noticed a well dressed dude saunter up to the front door. The dogs went nuts and he stood at attention holding his clipboard. He pressed the placebo doorbell a couple more times which made the dogs crazier than normal only because he wasn’t taking the hint to go away like all of their other enemies.

We are now a good minute and a half into this situation and my phone call ended just as he began to vigorously knock shifting the dogs into deeper madness. Now I was pissed and had some time on my hands so I let the animals outside and answered the door.

He started with some pre rehearsed greeting and political spiel but I interrupted him by very calmly stating “Do you realize that you are a villian?” he wasn’t ready for that so he answered with a weak pardon me so I continued… “You are the bad guy in every front door you invade today. No one gives a shit about whatever candidate or issue you are talking about except YOU and that sir, is selfish. If someone is home today the last thing they want interrupting them is you and your agenda. Third shift people trying to sleep, babies going down for a nap, people like me trying to talk on the phone to earn a living, no one wants you at their door so stop.”

He was indignant and started back on the political script and caring but I interrupted by asking where he worked. He declined to answer but I pressed on telling him that I want to randomly stop by his workspace someday and talk about things that matter to me. He almost perked up a bit thinking I was talking about politics until I said that we need to do more as a society to prevent adults from disguising their identities. A moratorium on clowns and mimes would be a great start.

The bewildered look on his face said that I did not compute and I had to get on another call so I told him to GO HOME and slammed the door. (in my defense you kind of have to slam the door because it doesn’t line up quite right and if I leave it open the mental patient dogs will throw themselves at the glass storm door all day after anything that moves) 

I wish I had more time for company during the day.

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