Thank the great cracker in the sky that this election cycle is almost over. I have been in a bunch of states over the last couple months and its the same happy horseshit everywhere I go. Nothing about what the candidates themselves stand for or want to champion just a bunch of why the other one is worse than I am ads. Some of the local advertisements are trying so hard to scare me I keep thinking I’m watching a Saturday Night Live rerun from the 70s.

I just got back to my hotel room and am more disturbed by Lester Holt’s hairline than anything else right now. For any fans of Star Trek The Next Generation fans out there he could pass for Worf minus the Klingon forehead bumps and strange shaved upper lip Van Dyke slash Fu Manchu beard. And don’t get me started on Chuck Todd’s hair. Rondo GLH – look it up.

This hotel just tried to book someone else into my room and I was too beat to greet my unexpected guest in the way I’ve always dreamt about. Me in my underpants violently jerking the door open and loudly exclaiming OH GOOD YOU MADE IT GET IN HERE QUICK. You know you’re tired when you cant muster the energy to drop trau and mess with a stranger. I am a tired American.

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