p i double s e d

I am as salty as the Dead Sea today and am having trouble shaking it off. We went to a surprise birthday party in the hood last night and this mood is a direct result. For a number of years I had the tag line “the only form of therapy I can afford” for this site and that is exactly what I am using it for right now. Before I begin the party was a lovely affair complete with relatives from all over and cute octogenarian elderly.

Things began in a bumpy place as I went in search of a beer but the cooler was filled with undrinkables. A dude that I had never met before asked if I was looking for a particular brand and when I mentioned Diet Coors I got a distinct beer shame vibe. He pointed to the location and when I got there they were arranged on the table without an ice cube in sight.

I am not as soft as this seems so I cracked open a warm one and took some more over to the ice. The dude mumbled something about not thinking anyone really drank blah blah boring beer douche. After the second luke warm can I switched over to big boy drinks while I waited for the cooling to take place. This is neither here nor there but by the time we left the party I was on a nice little roll.

At a point just before we left my wife was trying to scrape another guest off on me but I wasn’t having it. The exchange felt weird because I had already done my time with this ghost from the neighborhood past. This particular idiot used to live in our hood and was loosely affiliated with our friend group. They moved away to build a much bigger house. His wife is a lovely individual and the ladies were sad to see her go. The dudes were not really upset at all.

Anyhow, time passed, he cheated, they got divorced, no more shits were given. Then last night as we were walking to the car I asked why she tried so hard to scrape him off on me. Turns out that just before the scraping attempt this fella told my wife that he had always had a big crush on her but please don’t tell Tom because he will kill me. I wanted to go back in and chat but the cooler head in the car that wanted to go home prevailed.

I was going to bounce right back after dropping her off but was reminded about the hosts being upset not to mention all of the relatives etc. My friends would have been entertained but pretty much everyone else would have been pissed. I get it, bleeding guy with the broken nose gets all the sympathy. I explained that I could ask him to go outside before we talked but was convinced he probably would not follow. So, faced with a potential birthday party ruin, I stayed put.

I was so pissed I could not sleep… Turning this over in my brain like a psychopath, Obsessing over his end game. I’m sure that line has worked for him at some point but I have a burning need to explain that words can sometimes have physical consequences.

If you are thinking I’m better than that you couldn’t be more wrong. I have a self-flipping-bitch-switch that is currently set on revenge. Pair that with the memory of an elephant and you can make sure that a discussion will take place. My wife is going to be so pissed when this goes down but I feel like an olden times guy who took a glove to the face.

For those keeping score at home this did not help at all. Still pissed but this will be the last time I write about it until the court proceedings are complete.

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