The dog might have an Amazon account

We have had a strong suspicion that Tilly has her own Amazon account because she keeps showing up with new toys that no one remembers buying. Every time we throw something out something new shows up within hours. This began as a running joke about the sheer amount of shite in our house and the fact that the mutt doesn’t even get upset when a favorite plaything goes down because there was something else she had her eye on anyway.

We know that the first couple came from deepest darkest middle child room where few people and pets dare to venture. After plugging that leak which consisted of moving the stuffed creature pile up and out of reach we thought the problem was solved. But the next day the dam dog came trotting downstairs with something brand new in her mouth and the online shopping theory was born.

Matilda (Tilly because that’s what her crazy ass looks like) had a rough beginning. I think I wrote about this before but for the sake of making sense I will reiterate. She was found trapped under a fence as a puppy abandoned by her mother in a storm. Not sure how long she was stuck there but it was long enough to lose too much weight and get all kinds of sick from consuming her own waste to stay alive. When they freed her from the fence big patches of skin and hair were missing all over her body.

So naturally when my wife went to the adoption event she was drawn to the puppy that no one wanted to touch. I was not there because our good and level-headed friend was along for the ride and they were “just looking.” When she came back with the dog I wasnt really shocked but we had agreed on something small. We already have one big white shedding machine in the house and no one needs more than one of those. Anyway, back to the not-as-pretty-but-has-a-good-personality step sister.

So this is what she looked like after a week with us.


Most of the hair was filled in except on her tail and ears where the fence really dug in. I was a bit suspicious about her being a toy breed because she had some pretty big paws for a tiny dog. I’ll show you what her crazy ass looks like today but getting a picture of the side of her body while she’s standing still is close to impossible because she thinks my phone is food.


And here they both are a little more than a year later. By the way, if you thought I was kidding about the phone being food… this is the two of them after I called and I’m just holding the thousand dollar pocket computer. Now she is a long drawn out mishmash of a thing and this picture actually makes her look better than real life. From the side she slightly resembles the cartoon my kids used to watch called catdog. My wife had her DNA rested and she is eight breeds rolled into one but none really sticks out.

She has pronounced cowlicks on the sides of her neck that we call gills and when she stands and walks on her hind legs she resembles a monkey. I’m writing this because as we get ready to host Thanksgiving I threw away a couple of the rough ones and she just came into my office with something new. On the off-chance that she does have an Amazon account I told her I would love one of the new iPad Pros. Worth a shot…


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