Observer

I am puzzled by people who don’t put thought into things they do that call attention. Case in point; (if that was the wrong punctuation congratulations, but I’m not changing it) I travel with an awesome Boba Fett suit case and when you wheel through an airport with something that majestic you need to be ready for comments.

My go to is “no one has ever mistakenly grabbed for this thing on the carousel” followed by a smile and a look meant to communicate not-another-word, please and thank you. It mostly works. I should also mention that I would NEVER comment on someone else’s anything.

What I am is a semiprofessional people watcher. So today while perfecting my craft I noticed a woman wearing an elf hat. This wasn’t the normal Spock ears sewn on to a Buddy the Elf inspired winter cap. This was a one third scale stuffed elf fashioned into headwear so it looked like she was forehead deep in the poor things hind end.

As I was puzzling out this look another person walked up and expressed love for the chapeau. The woman that I had already named Ass Hat frowned at the stranger and turned her back. The friendly festive female was crushed but she snapped back and went on her way probably humming her favorite holiday ditty.

This almost pulled me out of my spy blind to take a picture but I am awful at clandestine phone pics. So bad in fact that my own family tried to forbid the practice. This stems from our waiter being a direct descendant of Sloth from the Goonies.

My children that I was pretending to depict were mortified and it’s obvious that he know this was happening. In my defense this was an act of pure admiration. And I left him a monster (oh come on! I’m better than that) tip to make up for my abhorrent behavior.

Anyway, that’s why I’m gun shy on the spy shots. I need some kind of chest mounted GoPro that I could activate remotely while looking down at my phone. If that’s not a thing it should be.

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