selfhelpless guy


I’ve been getting up early to read before work and when I looked up from my book I made myself laugh. I was wearing my new monster paw slippers and my equally hairy bedside sweat pants. So I picked my phone from off of my belly and took this photo. On the wall I usually have the things I need to accomplish during a week in the office or a topic that I see popping up in my coaching calls.

For the last month things have concentrated around the central theme of disappointment. Specifically managers being disappointed with their employees. When I dig a little it is always something about what they Expect from their people and are not getting. When I ask if they have specifically spelled out the behavior they would like to see the answer is rarely YES. Usually it something like “they should know” which is nonsense and in my inexpert opinion the cause of a lot of human suffering.

People tend to EXPECT a lot out of their fellow folks and the closer they are to us the more we expect. I am an awful offender in this department. I can’t count the number of times I’ve been disappointed because someone did not live up to my uncommunicated expectations which is an exercise in stupid. The problem is that its really hard to let people know what you really want them to do and even harder to predict all the ways you could possibly be disillusioned. That last one was a much better word by the way because our unexpressed expectations are nothing more than illusions.

The only thing I’ve learned from the countless books articles and other consumed media about happiness is that we are each in charge of our own. In this new year I am going to challenge myself to drop as many expectations as I can. If there is behavior I need from someone I will clearly spell out what I am thinking and get the opinion of the poor victim of my forethought.

And so ends a boring pseudo philosophical post…

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