Effingfreezing

At the risk of being a complete obvious idiot it’s cold. Wet skin stuck to the side of a deep freeze cold and I should know. My grandma warned me not to mess with the ice on the side of the freezer especially if my hands were wet. This was a factor because the basement frozen chest contained all of my favorite summertime treats And I often went digging completely covered in sweat.

The ice cream sandwiches were blocked in by a particularly large chunk so I snapped it off to get the deliciousness. Once the ice in my hand I noticed it didn’t stick. So like a dumbass I licked my lips and pressed them to the surface. Oh no! Stuck like glue.

Can’t tell Grandma because she told me not to do this so I panicked.

I tore it off. OUCH!!!

When I looked at the ice there were my lips right there and the sight plus the pain made me cry. I walked over to a mirror and my entire mouth hole was bleeding profusely. It was a nightmare and I was ultimately discovered because there was blood all over my shirt. Well that and newly forming scabs for lips.

Pro No Lip Skin Tip: NEVER DRINK ORANGE JUICE.

Anyway, the middle child’s car is frozen solid at the mall where she works. We went there today to try and retrieve it with no luck. I had a bunch of supplies to thaw out the doors but it was no go. In fact I thought I was making progress when I thought the back hatch moved so I pulled hard and snapped off a big piece of the car. I am an idiot and the car will probably get towed on Thursday.

Who lives here on purpose?

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