Sbod

Things got interesting on my flight to Minneapolis yesterday when the stewardess asked over the intercom if there was anyone onboard with medical training… immediately heads were popping up and looking around like belted in prairie dogs to see who could possibly be in distress. I was wearing my DO NOT DISTURB headphones but I had the noise cancelling on low so I knew what was going on but figured I would be of no help. All heads were turned toward the back of the plane so I used my amazing deductive reasoning to assess that was where things were happening.

My two seat mates immediately began bitching about how this might impact their exit from the aircraft. I let this go on because I had no desire to interact with these two plus it would have exposed the fact that I was listening while working my crossword. Side note: I’m on my free trial of the New York Times crossword puzzle on my iPad so I’m trying to do it every day but I’m not sure if I can justify $40 per year to feel more stupider.

So when we landed the captain let us know that we would be directed straight to the gate and asked that we all remain seated so emergency medical personnel could get on and do their work. It seemed reasonable to everyone who was sane but some folks began to grumble including one of my two fellow row mates.

The medics came aboard with their plane sized equipment and everyone was watching until it got boring. Then all thoughts turned internal and folks began to grumble with some even starting to stand in the aisle. The announcer came back on and let us know that they were preparing to take the patient off blah blah please sit down. My dude on the end looked completely put out and began to talk to his new buddy about letting us off first.

I was already irritated by my inability to solve the aforementioned puzzle so I decided to try and play with the people around me.

“I hope every one of these selfish assholes has a heart attack in the air at some point and no one around them cares enough to let potentially lifesaving care get in before they get off the plane.”

This was my first salvo said to no one but loud enough to carry just a bit. Apparently the very same no one wanted to engage. I even waited but I had no takers. Aisle guy even sat down and shut up. Where is their spirit of debate? I was bored and wanted to engage but had no takers. Spineless bag of dicks.

If you’re looking for medical follow up to this story you are out of luck. The dude was alert and had an I.V. when I last saw him but no idea on anything other than that.

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