I puzzle me at times

I was cleaning out my pictures as is my want when I have some time to kill and am looking for a tiny feeling of productivity. I take shots of a lot of weird stuff because I am endlessly entertaining to myself. But sometimes I completely forget the reason. Case in point; (no idea if that is the correct punctuation mark to use there so go ahead and correct me if you must) the following photo was in the pile and I have no idea why.

It’s a wedding on the beach that I had no connection to at all. By that point in the late afternoon slash evening I had been partially over served but that is no explanation. I do remember having to climb up on a rock wall to get a better shot so the joke in my head must have been worth the extra work but I have no idea what it was.

Looking at that scene now does nothing but annoy. Man, I am a pisser.

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I received an almost anonymous email from an old reader who knew to contact me at stupidtom dot com. It was a nice note about keeping the folks in those places entertained. First, I get it. Shitty situation all around. No one wants to plant their parents in a home of any kind but sometimes circumstances dictate. My comments weren’t shots and any of that but were all directed at me and my personal position. (I don’t have a second or any other thoughts in list form so I have no idea why I started down that road but I didn’t want the OCD amongst you to get twisted up waiting for something that wasnt coming)

My children are very aware that if by some cruel twist of fate I end up with one of the mind erasing diseases then they are to plant wherever it makes the most sense. Any by that I mean cheap and located wherever THEY please because what in the difference will it make to me?  Also, The day I don’t recognize them is their final day of obligatory visitation. Feel free to trot me out for holidays if I am at all entertaining but if I turn into a human hemorrhoid then leave me where I sit. (pun not intended  but enjoyed none the less) Again, what would I know different?

I read a lot and have a vivid imagination so odds are good that wherever my mind has drifted will be pretty good. Anyhow, that is not to depress you all with my tilted take on aging it was to explain that my personal version of hell includes being pushed around a table with a bunch of other patients batting balloons with paper towel rolls. There wasnt even a scoring system… complete bullshit.

As long as were talking about the elderly I noticed a new scam at Wal-Mart. They have taken tennis balls and branded them with their generic Equate health care brand, cut a slit in the top and bagged them in pairs.

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Assholes. They sell an entire can of those things for around $2. I took the picture because I was stunned by this development. When my 90 year old Grandpa modified his walker with tennis balls to reduce drag during his laps I thought it was funny. This must be a growing problem for Wally World to put all of this R&D time into their solution. Where the heck are the walker manufacturers on this one? How hard would it be to invent something like this that fit and looked a little better? Yellow is not the ideal constant floor contact color either. Come on people, I can’t do all the thinking here.

just no

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The above picture is entitled Breach of Trust and I took it earlier today. My formerly beloved chain of gas station slash convienience stores called Speedway has completely fallen off of the cleanliness wagon and I am done. This is the third location where random black flakes have shown up in my cup of ice pre pop pour. I know this because the initial violation was some black muck nuggets that had floated post Diet Coke and ever since I have been inspecting all ice.

Not really sure whats happening here as a sealed system making and dispensing ice right above the fountain was my former gold standard. Now my world is turned upside down. All frozen water is now subject to thourough inspection and this adds another layer of asspain into an already annoying habit. This could be the gods of health trying to tell me something but screw them. As I always say “I’ve seen that last ten years of life and you can keep them.”

To further drive that personal point home I stumbled upon a video of a group of nursing home prisoners in their wheelchairs encircling what appears to be a dining room table. Each one is armed with an empty paper towel roll and they are batting balloons back and forth at each other in some cruel form of physical activity mockery. At that point I will be trussed up in a corner like Hannibal Lecter because I have tried to take myself out using every available means.

Now I’m rethiking NOT drinking the random black ice boogers…

The mind reels

Me and reddit are old friends but every once in a while it ties my brain into knots. I was wandering down what I used to think of as a rabbit hole but now realize is more aptly described as tunnels from the Vietnam war. I like funny and weird so I guess this is a case of careful what you wish for. I have an unnatural desire to meet the man (and make no mistake this is one twisted bored dude that thought this thing up) behind (pun intended) this combo invention.

I demand to know everything about this product. How many were sold and to whom, approximate geographical locations on all customers, any and all testimonials or reviews, and any other data I can get my hands on. I have so many questions that I feel my brain shutting down.